Into the Wild West
by FelicityGreenleaf
Summary: Frodo and Sam stumble upon a town in the old west. Will they be able to survive gunfights, Indians, and cheating gamblers, and continue with their quest? Sam isn't so sure, especially since Frodo seems quite at home in the wild, wild west. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Children? 

Frodo and Sam were struggling on to Mordor (especially Frodo), and Sam was just about ready to give him a piggy back ride when up ahead of them they saw a town.

Sam was the one who saw it first.

"Cool," he said. "Maybe we can bring Frodo some place and let him sleep for a few decades."

Sticking Frodo on his back he went as fast as his legs could carry him.

Entering into the town he saw lots of Big People in funny hats. One guy spotted them, and mistook them for children.

"Orphans? Hank? You think they're orphans?"

"Yeah, prob'ly. No ma or pa, poor little tykes. Well, maybe 'Lizbeth can take 'em."

"Well Jim, 'Lizbeth is yer wife and you got kids. I want 'em."

"Well, we gotta give 'em a chance to get used to this place—Look, the big brother is carryin' his little brother."

"Howdy partners!" Jim said as they drew near.

Sam hadn't noticed them, and so the voice startled him. "Whoah!"

Stumbling with Frodo he looked up, and saw Hank and Jim bending over them.

"Them's kids alright!"

"Yeah shouldn't be too soft on 'em though."

"Yeah well Jim you can bring 'em to 'Lizbeth, they need a place to stay anyway."

Sam opened an eye.

"We aren't kids! Can't you see?"

"Hahahaha!" The two men shook with laughter. "Come on Hank, let's bring 'em to 'Lizbeth. They don't look too well. 'Specially the younger one."

Frodo was half asleep, and he obviously thought Sam was still carrying him.

"Sam?" He whispered. "Sam?"

"I'm over here Mr. Frodo, wherever here is. Somebody is carrying us."

A few minutes later they heard a door open, and a girl ran out.

"PAPA! PAPA! Who ya brung?"

"I got a coupl'a boys. Prob'ly 'bout 13 or 14, somethin' like that."

Then they heard a woman's voice above the noise of the other kids.

"Jim? Who are them kids ya got with ya?"

"I don't rightly know 'Lizbeth. They haven't given no names yet."

"Well, bring 'em on in, we'll see what we can do for 'em!"

Frodo and Sam were placed on soft cushiony beds, and 'Lizbeth went to warm up some tea.

"They're too young fer coffee, 'Lizbeth," Jim said.

"Much too young fer beer," Hank pointed out.

The younger kids crowded around Sam's bed, and would have done the same to Frodo but he was asleep.

They showered poor Sam with questions:

"What's yer name?"

"How old are ya?"

"Where ya from?"

"Who's yer pa?"

"Are you an orphan?"

"Do you have any brothers?"

"Do you have any sisters?"

"Who's yer ma?"

"Do you go to school?"

"Are you a cowboy?"

Finally 'Lizbeth shooed them outside, and Sam fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Mr. Shorty 

Frodo and Sam had finally proved, after two weeks at Jim's house, that they were not children; so they were given horses, and they had a difficult time with them. But finally they got up on the horses and went to explore the town. First place they stopped at was the Barrel o' Boys Saloon. Sam was trying to sound it out.

"The Bar-rel 'o Boys Salon? Sal-oon? Sayloon? How do you pronounce that Mr. Frodo?"

"Saloon, let's see what's inside."

"OK Mr. Frodo."

The two of them went inside and saw guys gambling and drinking beers.

"An inn? Maybe?" thought Sam.

Frodo went over to the counter and saw the bartender talking to one of the guys.

"Yer gonna regret this Joe."

"Awww Bill, grow up," replied the guy.

Joe turned and saw Sam and Frodo behind him. Squatting down, he looked under their hats, then stood up again. Looking at Sam he said,

"Hello, shorty."

Sam, not wanting to pick a fight, said, "Hello, Mister," and tipped his hat like he saw other cowboys do.

Then looking at Frodo he called down to him, "Hello there shorty, how's the weather down there?"

Frodo looked up at him, with a face meaner than Sam had ever seen before.

"What did you just say?" he asked through clenched teeth.

Joe yelled down to him, "I said Hello MR. SHORTY!"

Everyone was looking at them now, the piano stopped, and the men dropped their cards. Everyone knew that Joe was the meanest, toughest guy in town. He loved picking fights with people.

Frodo opened his mouth. "Pretty bold, you messin' with me like that."

Taking a whiskey bottle he climbed on his seat and broke it over the guy's head.

Joe turned, picked Frodo up, and put him on the ground.

"My turn." He smiled.

" _Ouch_!" Frodo exclaimed, as a punch landed in his gut.

One of the men jumped up from the table and said to Joe, "Joe, he's only a kid, ya know, probly just 17 or 18. You can't do that to him!"

Frodo got up, walked across the room, picked up a chair (we'll never know how he managed to pick it up) and threw it at Joe.

Joe ducked, then, suddenly, chairs, bottles, and cards were flying all over the room. Frodo and Joe were constantly ducking and everyone was yelling.

Bill the bartender yelled out, "Hey, let's not do this so loud!"

Joe stood up. "Good idea, Bill. Mr. Shorty, let's do this 'not so loud.'"

Sam groaned. Frodo stood up, and pretty soon, punches were flying. Before Sam knew what was happening, Joe had picked Frodo up by his short collar, and thrown him out the swinging doors. Sam ran over to Frodo.

"Mr. Frodo, Mr. Frodo? Are you all right?"

"You stay out of this, Sam." He pushed Sam's hand away when he tried to help him up.

"Joe, let's do this like gentlemen," Frodo said.

"NO, MR. FRODO, NO!" Sam yelled.

"Sounds like fun, but you'll regret it," said Joe.

Walking out the doors, they picked their spots. Sam covered his eyes. Pretty soon he heard gunshots. He opened his eyes. Frodo was lying on the ground with a bullet in his left shoulder.

"No! Why _that_ shoulder?" Sam exclaimed.

None of the crowd knew why. He rushed over to Frodo, whose face was twisted in pain.

"Sam, he - he got me in - my - left shoulder."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Visit to the Sherrif's Office

Jim was just leaving the General Store, across the street from the saloon, when he hard gunshots. He was used to gunfights, but he knew Frodo and Sam would be there, and he had to make sure they were OK. Walking out of the general store, he saw a short blond guy running over to a dude on the ground and yelling,

"Mr. Frodo? Mr. Frodo?"

Jim dropped the supplies and rushed across the street to the place where Frodo and Sam were.

"Sam! You okay? Where's Frodo? Is that him? What happened?"

"Mr. Jim, Mr. Jim, Mr. Frodo's been shot, whatever it's called. He got in a gunfight, whatever you say."

Sam had already ripped his shirt off and bandaged Frodo's arm as best he could (like a real cowboy). Jim gathered Frodo in his arms and put him on his horse, and helped Frodo guide it and they rode on to the Doctor's house.

"Doc. Campbell, we have a problem here."

"Well, Jim, what is it?"

"Well, ya see, we have some new comers, and there's been a gunfight, and this here kid's been shot in the left shoulder."

Doctor Campbell got right to work, and in a few hours, he had not only brought out a bullet, but along with it, he brought out some knife splinters attached to the bullet.

"Hmm, interesting, this here bullet seems to be magnetic, and it's brung somethin' out with it, little slivers of somethin'."

Frodo was wide awake now. "Knife splinters? Maybe? From Weathertop? Wow! Elrond's a real great doctor!"

X*X*X

After about a day of doing nothing but lying around and reading, Frodo was allowed to leave. Sam had not slept a wink all night and had stayed right by him.

Frodo and Sam were riding along on their horses. Frodo had a brown and white paint one that he named The Fellowship, but he just called it Fellow. Sam had named his white mare Galadriel, in memory of the Lady of Lorien.

Anyway, they were riding and Frodo decided they would look at the sheriff's office this time. Stopping at the door, they heard keys jangle, a door slam, and a guy's voice saying,

"Awww, sheriff, you can't do this to me."

"Oh yes, I sure can, now shut up."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

The Sheriff

Frodo and Sam walked in and stopped at the sheriff's desk.

"Well hello kids, what can I do fer ya?"

"Well for one, you can stop calling us kids, 'cause we're not," Frodo began.

"And...?" asked the sheriff.

"And for another,you can tell us what that guy in the room with a metal door is doing."

"well, y'all are kids, so no, I wont stop that, but that guy 'in the room with metal doors', as you put it,was caught pick pocketing and was put in jail."

Frodo slammed his fist down on the desk. "WE. ARE NOT. KIDS. AND I WILL. GET. YOU. BACK. IF. YOU. CALL. US. CHILDREN. AGAIN." He said each word loud and slow to emphasize.

The sheriff reached across his desk with a smile, and tousled Frodo's hair. "Okay, _men_ , run along now, you don't wanna hang 'round me, now do ya?"

Frodo stormed out, but Sam stayed behind a minute. "Sorry, Sheriff, he's just been shot yesterday so he's still not too thrilled." Tipping his hat, Sam left the office.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Frodo the Brainless

"Sam, _please,"_ Frodo begged for the trillionth time.

" _No,_ Mr. Frodo, _no_!"

Frodo wanted to go back to the saloon like an idiot, but Sam would have none of it. "Sam please, I wanna go!"

"NOOOOO!" Sam yelled at the top of his lungs.

Annie ran up the stairs and knocked on the door. "Mr. Gamgee, mama wants to know what all the yellin's fer, and she said if y'all yell _anymore_ , y'all have to go outside."

"Okay, just tell her it's nothing," said Sam.

"Liar," Annie muttered under her breath.

Sam caught it and pulled her into the room. Looking her in the face, he said, "we ain't lying, Annie. We just don't want your ma worried."

"Hmph," Annie sniffed. Annie was fourteen years old. She was usually very arrogant and she annoyed Sam to death, and she loved arguing.

Frodo liked her, though. If he was mad at Sam, he would get her to argue with him over something small. Right now, he was mad at Sam, so following her down the stairs, he snapped his fingers and whistled. That had become their secret signal. If Frodo didn't want Sam to know that he was whispering to Annie, he snapped his fingers and whistled. Annie tip-toed over to him. "What?" she asked.

"Go tell Sam he doesn't get supper 'cause he yelled at Mr. Frodo."

"Alright." Annie walked back to the bedroom. "Mr. Gamgee, mama said you have to miss supper 'cause you yelled at poor Mr. Baggins."

Sam, knowing she wanted to argue, ignored her and continued to read the newspaper.

"I know yer hungry, and mama says it's only fair you miss yer supper," Annie said.

"But it's his fault, he wants to do stupid stuff just after he's been shot."

"Well you should do whatever he wants, 'cause he just got shot."

"ANNIE, STOP IT NOW!" Sam yelled.

'Lizabeth came upstairs to see what was going on. "Annie? What's goin' on up here?"

"Annie said I have to miss supper, she said you told her to say that, and I'm hungry, 'cause I've been helpin' Mr. Jim all day on the farm."

"Annie, did you tell him that?"

Frodo burst into the room. "I told her to!"

 _'_ Lizabeth looked at Frodo. So did Sam.

"Young man, are you telling me you've been encouraging _my_ daughter to pick fights with guests?"

Frodo flushed and fidgeted with his fingers. "Yes ma'am."

"Alright then, you two may not speak to each other for a week." And then she left.

"Brat! _"_ Frodo yelled, and stormed out of the room.

Annie went downstairs to help with supper.

"Real great," Sam muttered. "Now I've got two of them against me."

Frodo spent the rest of the night thinking about how he could get back at Sam.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

The Second Barfight

Frodo was going to the saloon again, and he was practically dragging poor Sam along with him.

"No! I don't wanna go!"Sam kept saying, but Frodo pulled him along anyway.

Soon they arrived at the saloon and Frodo went inside, but Sam stayed with the horses.

Frodo joined a group of guys that showed him how to play their games, but one of the guys was cheating in all the games they played, and everyone was mad, mad because they were losing.

Sam just stood outside by the horses, patting them and rubbing their necks.

But after a couple of minutes, he heard a chair being kicked over and Frodo's voice saying, "You cheated, you low down dirty rotten son of a gun."

"Are you callin' me a liar? Well take this!"

Sam heard someone punching someone. He heard Frodo's voice. "Ouch!"

And he heard bottles breaking and chairs being thrown around. Chairs crashed through window, mugs of beer broke, and tables were knocked over.

Finally, Sam went over to the doors to make sure he was O.K. Peeking over the doors he saw Frodo and another guy exchanging punches. Frodo had a bloody lip, and a bloody nose, and a black eye, but so did the other guy.

Then they stopped punching and broke every bottle in sight over each others head. They were surrounded by guys yelling loudly.

Then, just as Sam had feared, the guy said to Frodo, "Hey kid, lets go outside and do this."

Sam knew what that meant. They were gonna have a gunfight, _AGAIN!_

Frodo was gonna get shot, and Sam would have to mess up his shirt again, and they would have to sit in the doctor's office for several days doing nothing.

A few seconds later, a crowd appeared, with Frodo and the other guy at the lead. They picked their spots. They put their hands on their guns. Sam, as before, covered his eyes. He heard gunshots, and uncovering an eye, he peeked out.

"Whaaaaa-?" The other guy was on the ground, and Frodo was walking over to the horses, looking rather proud of himself.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

INDIANS!

Sam woke up at probably about 1:00 A.M to the sound of horses galloping. He tiptoed to the window and saw a band of men riding towards town.

Sam had heard stories of Indians, so naturally, his first thought was, _"INDIANS!"_

Frodo was at the saloon, town was twenty miles away, and Frodo went every Monday and stayed all night after the farm work had been done. The Indians were galloping towards town; he had to warn Frodo before they got there. He threw his clothes on, rushed out to the barn and mounted his horse. Spurring on Galadriel (his horse), he took the shortest way to town, twenty miles. The Indians had twenty-two miles, but they had a head start.

Reaching the saloon, Sam tied his horse to a post and rushed in. "Mr. Frodo! Mr. Frodo! There's Indians headin' this way!"

Everyone in the saloon roared with laughter.

"I'm serious, Mr. Frodo. Come on!"

Frodo giggled. "I've always wanted to _hiccup_ see Indians. _Hiccup._ Oh, he's a jolly good _HICCUP!"_

Sam groaned. No one was sober, and Indians were coming, and he had to get Frodo back to the house. So, walking over to him, he picked him up and threw him over his shoulder. He walked outside, helped Frodo onto the horse, jumped up behind him, and rode off.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

The Battle of the Three Armies

Before long, the whole town knew that Indians were coming, and they had set up barricades. The men had their guns cleaned and loaded. Frodo and Sam were with them, and pretty soon, they heard horses. Soon, a band of Indians were coming into view. Soon, men were shooting, and soon, everything happened at once. A lot of _soons_ happened.

"The rifles are ready," Sam thought. Men were handing out guns. They handed one to Frodo and it pulled him down to the ground.

Hank rolled his eyes. "Doesn't he have _any_ muscles?" He handed one to Sam, who lifted it quite easily.

Frodo had his six-shooters, because he wasn't able to hold a rifle. Sam wondered why he couldn't hold it. Then he realized: "The RING!" he thought to himself. Then, from far away he heard music, music that sounded familiar. It drew nearer, then he heard hooves pounding, then nine horses came into view. Black horses, with black-hooded and cloaked riders. Sam looked at Frodo. His face was white as a sheet of paper, his eyes were big, and he was trembling all over. Everyone, even the Indians, were staring at the riders.

"Who are they?" Hank asked, when he saw Frodo's and Sam's faces. Then Sam heard the music louder—Nazgul music. The music he had heard on Weathertop.

They were at the barricades now, they had dismounted and were sniffing. Sam came up to one of them and did just what he had done on Weathertop.

"Get back you devil!" He fought sword to sword with it. Everyone was shooting at them now. Four of them were walking toward Frodo, and the music got louder.

Throwing himself on the ground, Frodo opened his pocket and drew out the Ring. He was screaming. Finally, he put the Ring on and vanished completely. Sam yelled, the cowboys and Indians stopped shooting at the Nazgul, and everyone stared at the place where Frodo had been only seconds before. Then they heard a gunshot. Frodo was shooting at the Nazgul.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Wagon Train

Then Sam remembered the Phial of Galadriel, which he had been holding for Frodo, and now, he sure could use it. Reaching into his pocket, Sam pulled the Phial out. Even in the bright morning sun it shone brightly. Thrusting it forward, he rushed at the Nazgul and yelled at them to get back. The Nazgul were so scared of it that they ran off, leaving the horses (which raced after them). The Nazgul left Sam and the others laughing at the ridiculous sight. Then Sam remembered Frodo.

"Mr. Frodo, Mr. Frodo, they're gone. Where are you?"

No reply. "Mr. Frodo?" Still no reply. Sam groaned. "Who knows where he is? He could be in Gondor by now!"

"Gondor? What's that?" asked Joe. Despite how mean Joe could be, he was useful when it came to fighting.

"Uhhhh, just a place," Sam replied.

Everyone was on their hands and knees looking for Frodo, except for Sam. He had thrown himself down onto a wheel that had been used as a barricade, to think.

Frodo had sneaked back to Lizabeth's house on foot, so when he arrived, he flopped down on the ground by the door, panting for breath.

'Lizabeth walked out of the house with Larry, the baby, to get some water. She didn't see Frodo, because he was still had the Ring on, and tripped over him with Larry.

Frodo groaned. Larry was on top of him screaming, and 'Lizabeth was on the ground by him.

"Hope she didn't break no bones," said Frodo, who had finally started talking like a true cowboy.

Taking the Ring off, he picked Larry up, set him on the ground, and looked at 'Lizabeth.

"Hello Frodo, can you help me up?" She smiled. "I tripped over somethin' invisible."

"Sure 'nough, ma'am." Taking her hand, Frodo helped her into a sitting position, picked her up, and set her on her feet.

"Thankee kindly, Frodo," 'Lizabeth said gratefully.

Frodo tipped his hat, and 'Lizabeth picked up the still screaming baby and led Frodo to the sofa. "Frodo, I've been meaning to ask, are you and Sam planning on staying here?"

Stay here? Stay here? The Quest! They had forgotten all about the Quest, and they had been there for nearly two months! Frodo made up his mind right then and there. They could not stay. "No, ma'am, we can't stay here, ya see, we've got stuff to do that we plum forgot about. We'll leave soon I'm sure, though."

'Lizabeth sighed. She had hoped they wouldn't leave. She liked them; they were sorta like little brothers to her.

"Well, Frodo, there is a way to get out of here quick. We're not gonna have a stage coach in 'til December, and that's two months, but in a coupla days, there's a wagon train comin' through here that's goin' further west."

"Much obliged, ma'am. We'll be thinkin' 'bout it," Frodo said.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter ten

Going On

Frodo did think hard; he though so hard that he barely had time to eat his meals, help Jim plow the fields, or go to the saloon on Monday evening. He hardly had time to sleep.

Then one night Frodo was sitting at his desk thinking, when Sam came up behind him.

"Well, Mr. Frodo, what do you think, are we gonna go further and further west like idiots, or are we gonna take the Ring east?"

"Sam we're not gonna go on the wagon train. You're right, we have to fulfill the quest or die trying," Frodo said.

Sam threw his arms around Frodo's neck, then ran out of the room blushing. "Oops, wasn't supposed to give him a hug!"

'Lizabeth was helping them get their stuff together when she came upon a little gold ring on a chain. "Purty," she said. "Is he married? Naw, Frodo ain't married. Can't be!"

Frodo came into the room and saw the Ring on its chain dangling from her finger. With a cry, he leapt forward.

"' _Lizabeth_! Why do you have that?" Jerking it roughly out of her hands he ran out to the barn, climbed up into the loft, and flopped down breathlessly.

A few minutes later he heard Sam's voice. "Mr. Frodo? Mr. Frodo, please come out of your hiding place." Sam climbed up the loft.

Frodo sat up with bits of hay clinging to his hair. "She had the Ring, Sam!"

"Mr. Frodo, you scared her half to death! I came in and she was white and shaking all over! You're so mean!"

"Uhhhh, well I didn't mean to, but she would've taken it and kept it, Sam, _forever_!"

"Come on, Mr. Frodo, we need to finish saying goodbye."

"I don't wanna say goodbye, Sam."

"Fiddlesticks! Come on." Frodo followed Sam down, and they went into the house.

"Now say you're sorry to 'Lizabeth for scaring her," Sam ordered Frodo in a whisper.

"Sorry," Frodo muttered, and went back outside.

Sam rolled his eyes and said to her, "Mrs. 'Lizabeth, I don't think you understand how much that ring means to him. He's real sorry for the way he acted." Sam grinned at her. "Don't worry though, 'Lizabeth, he'll be himself in just-"

"HELP! SAM! HELP!"

Sam and 'Lizabeth rushed outside and saw Frodo bouncing up and down on something invisible. His face was green. "HELP SAM!-*bouncing* HELP!"

Sam got his pistol out and put it on the invisible bouncy thing, and sure enough, it started to bounce, too. "Jump to the side, Mr. Frodo!" Sam said. Finally, after lots of bouncing, Frodo fell with a _thud_ on the ground. Sam and 'Lizabeth ran over to him, and he was green all over now. "Whaaaaaa-?" Sam said in surprise.

"What is it Sam? My head hurts. Can you help me up please?"

Frodo reached out his hand, then jerked it back, looking at it carefully. "Whaaaat? Why am I green?"

They never found out why he turned green, but when the quest was finished, Galadriel told them she'd put the town there for them to rest in. Later, when Sam told her all that had happened, and the bar fights Frodo had gotten into, she swore to Celeborn that she would _never_ put a western town in Middle Earth again. When they told Elrond they had found more splinters in Frodo's shoulder, Elrond decided he wasn't a good doctor or surgeon so he gave up that profession.

Merry and Pippin, of course, were jealous that they hadn't gotten to be there.

And so Frodo and Sam went back to the Shire and tried to make them forget about the whole thing. But it never worked. Oh well!

THE END


End file.
